Dropping the Hammer

Does everything have to be an analogy for life?

Perhaps it does until I learn my lesson … er lessons.

My Dad used to always use the phrase “getting the hammer dropped” on him when he felt like life or the Universe or wherever you want to assign responsibility was sending him a tough message loud and clear, over and over and over.

Hammer.

Hammer.

Hammer.

This week is shaking me to my core. I shouldn’t be surprised. I asked for it. I stood before the steep drop off of a sheer cliff edge and shouted, “I accept!” I took a leap and the Universe said, “Oh yeah? I see your leap and raise you heart-wrenching, soul-shaking, core-rattling terror.”

I don’t mean in any way that the Universe is out to get me or there’s some evil higher power passing judgement upon us. Big change and great success takes huge faith, HUGE.

I joined a Mastermind 6 month coaching group aimed to cultivate and grow the magic of the 15 women who are participating. I was scared to death because of the price tag but I have such a support system and have been growing my belief that I didn’t hesitate.

I totally melted down into a pile of panic AFTER I pulled the trigger but through heartfelt discussion and an amazing Tarot reading I was able to calm myself and rest back in the comfortable faith I felt when I first decided to join the Mastermind.

Only a few days later my husband’s Grandma and last living grandparent passed away in Southern Texas. He wanted to go, of course, but he wanted us — the whole family of four — to join him.

It is a time of family, loss, sadness, mourning, love, grief, connections, and raw emotions. It’s a no-brainer that I want us all to go together but last minute plane tickets aren’t cheap. We talked and prayed and discussed then decided. “Time to pack, kids!” In less than 24 hours we had bags packed, Fiji in a safe place, work covered, school work picked up, perishable food frozen, and everyone in pretty good spirits.

Again, I faithfully decided this is the absolute right choice to make. Then my husband found me in child’s pose in the bedroom trying not to hyperventilate. I was painfully aware that my small self, my fearful ego was totally a wreck.

The things I am doing, the choices I am making are the me I want to be and the life I want to live. So, the old me is putting up a fight kicking and screaming. Again, with rest, love, and discussion I calmed down and felt at peace once more.

For our first of three flights for the day, Augusta to Charlotte, we boarded a small propeller powered plane. It was not quite full so the air was fresh and the lady next to me and and my daughter smiled pleasantly. Take-off was fine. We bumped around a little here and there, no big deal. I held my specially chosen bag of gemstones for comfort.

About midway through the short flight, however, we experienced the worst turbulence I have ever experienced in my entire life. I felt a little bit sick to my stomach. I felt my muscles tensing up. I started to feel fear. I held my daughter’s hand. I whispered silent prayers - please make it stop, please make it stop. It didn’t stop. It would get a little better then would get much worse.

I felt terrified and completely out of control of my life and anything that might happen to me. Tears began to silently roll down my cheeks. I hate to upset my daughter or have her worry about me. I show her my emotions on a regular basis but I still am aware of her reactions. This was out of my control.

She squeezed my hand and told me it will be ok. I sobbed and we bumped. All the physiological effects of fight or flight were blossoming in response to my growing fear. I sobbed. My daughter talked me through it. “Look Mom we are out of the clouds,” she said in her sweet voice. “Look Mom we’re turning now, that must mean we’re getting close to landing. Maybe they’ll announce our descent any minute now.”

The kind lady next to me laid hands on me and smiled reassuringly. My husband reached forward from the row behind me, touching my arm and calming me. Our son, who is always good for comic relief and entertainment quoted Madagascar saying, “It’s more fun if you put your hands up in the air like this!” Everyone around us, me included, giggled a little.

We landed safely and all I could think of was all of the scary leaps of faith I have taken in a very short time. I felt so afraid but wanted to travel with my husband and family not only to support one another but also to enjoy each other’s company and maybe have some fun. I felt the fear of being able to afford a Mastermind and wondering if I’ll be successful and worthy.

Often my husband tells the children that if you say you want something and won’t do anything about it you aren’t willing to get uncomfortable enough to have what you want. I wondered if I’d be able to step onto another plane less than an hour after that frightening experience.

Walking through Charlotte from concourse E to B I didn’t even think of the fear or the turbulence. In that moment it no longer existed. It was just me and my family walking around and chatting. I easily boarded the next plane and, of course, as we took off I thought of the turbulence and as I sit here typing we have bumped around a few times.

I can be shaken and still succeed.

I can be terrified and keep moving forward.

I can face tough challenges knowing that I am capable.

I can ask my great support network for help.

We have a third flight, probably on a small prop plane, and I’ll be boarding that one, too, probably holding someone’s hand.

Don’t stay on the ground just because you’re afraid to fly.

#life #Universe #karma #travel #family #courage